“Aimee’s World”

I’ve always wanted to have super powers. To have that electricity flow through me like they show on the movies. To have people look at me heroically and be able to do absolutely anything for those people in need. To have that helplessness within me lifted and feel empowered by all the good I would be able to do. It’s like the film Matilda, I used to watch that as a kid and pray that night that I could wake up with the same magic she has, to stay a kind hearted girl like Matilda but be able to do whatever the heck I wanted. Like, make things fly into my hands or push things over just by looking at them. I’d stand still with my eyes closed, and cast my hands as if something would happen. It always created such disappointment opening my eyes, even though I knew such thing wasn’t possible. Childhood. It’s full of wonderful memories, wonderful, detailed, naive moments. I miss that, I miss everyday being a new adventure in the land of my mind, the exotic, vibrant, depths of my imagination, “Aimee’s world” my mum and dad called it. My mum always tells me that when I was little I’d sit in front of the mirror while she dried my hair and make so many strange, sad faces back to myself that I’d end up in floods of tears. She said it used to drive her up the wall. I still have all that, I’m still imaginative and I still fly away to my world and I can still sit in front of the mirror and make myself cry, but it isn’t the same. Everything gradually changes with time and age, like appearance, maturity, mental health, illness etc etc. It’s an unbeatable process. Over time for me, I’ve realised that the helplessness I had as a child not being able to use my mind to push over a glass, has become helplessness on a much bigger scale. A scale so big that I would change so much if I could. But as I’m writing this I’m beginning to contradict myself, because change can be good, change is something that can make things better, sometimes we need to realise that the prospect of being unhappy is much scarier than the prospect of change and maybe, just maybe, things become new and exciting again. Time cannot be stopped, you can’t handcuff it in a metal cage and expect things to be different. It’s inevitable. The sooner I get over that, the better.