I let it get to me

So, I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been writing because I let people’s petty comments get to me. Comments that are insensitive, and almost embarrassing. Maybe embarrassing on their part because they’ve chosen to make me feel that way, but I became embarrassed about writing. I became embarrassed that I let it all out, so I let myself down, I let myself indulge in their hurtful comments and hid away. I think about it a lot, writing, I’ll sit in my bed and debate whether to just start but I don’t. Cowardly. Tonight, (at bloody last) I’m actually writing. People that used to be my friends made a passing comment about bringing up my blog stories (e.g death of my gran) to try and see if they could make me cry. They made it clear, the intention was so clear. “Shall we try and make her cry”. I’m not sure about you, (if anyone’s reading this) but who the hell would come up with such an idea. I can’t make any sense of it. How someone could literally straight up say they wanted to make somebody cry. Doesn’t matter whether it’s me, or some complete stranger they are targeting but what the heck? I try to make sense of most things that happen in my life. Purely due to the fact that I always find if I try to understand something, my feelings towards it can become less intense but there’s is no understanding, no explaining, and nothing that can make that ok. Over the past couple of months I’ve had people messaging me asking me when my next post would be (which is like THE cutest thing ever so thanks guys) but I’m sorry that this one isn’t very upbeat .. so this is a bit lighter:

My mind wonders SO much. Mum and dad always said that my mind is almost too creative. I’ll literally be doing something completely irrelevant and my mind is imagining this next level X Men combat scene in front of me with Jackie Chan swinging his karate weird ass legs across my body. I literally can’t even, hahaha, it makes me laugh. Like, this year, it’s my year of travel, my year of ‘finding myself’ and all that malarkey. So first I’m planning to go to Kenya to volunteer at a baby home, where I’ll be looking after kids from weeks old till 3 years of age. OH my god I’m so excited. And because of this excitement I’m constantly daydreaming / dreaming about it. The other night I must’ve for bitten by a midgey or something (I have my grans blood, it’s proper tasty, i get bitten basically everyday) anyway, so in my sleep I was itching the bite but in my dream it was me arriving in Kenya. Next minute I’ve got this full on big ass CUTE leopard attached to my wrist on a lead. This man said something about having to blow it kisses and smile at it before you could touch it, so there I am with my pet leopard blowing kisses, while in real life I’ve got an itchy ass bite. So then we are all sat in this hall and I started to itch my back, (still in my dream.. bare with me) and I’m itching and itching and then this man (some randomer in charge I’m guessing) was like “well done for getting through all the jabs before coming here to Kenya” Then bam i was like WHAT jabs. And then I woke up. I told you… WEIRD